Sometimes I get depressed as do so many others. I look at this life and all the bullshit it entails and I think why go on. I am black and I grew up in a system of white supremacy. All the things the Bible says about being good and being rewarded, the older I get, living in a world where the corrupt are rewarded, becomes more and more of a myth.
So just now.. I won't lie.. I'm sipping on vodka and coke. I'm home alone. Just me on my laptop and I am in a funk. A real funk. Not "oh I want to kill myself type of funk". But a funk nonetheless. So I once again started asking the question.. "where is God"? Like Where the hell is he? Doesn't he know black folks are going through some real ass bullshit in this world? And why the hell did he allow whites to set up a system of white supremacy as he has done? It almost makes you wonder if God is fair now doesn't it.
And in the quietness of the moment.. In the stillness of my circumstance.. A thought came to me. That thought.. nope it wasn't a "voice" but just a thought told me to "toss my Bible and to shelve all of my beliefs I had been raised to believe.. And to forget about "God" and about "Religion" and to just LIVE.
I admit at the present I am conflicted. Although I have never considered myself "religious" I grew up in the Church and being taught to love and fear God. I grew up being taught to be "passive" and that if I only trusted in God all things would work out in my God. What baloney. This religion crap was really created by men now wasn't it. It was created so that men of privilege and power could cement their control over the MASSES. Over society.
They even put "In God We Trust" on the money so that folks won't question this Capitalistic, financial system that rewards the few and indentures the many. If too many people started to question the fairness of the financial system in America and elsewhere it could unravel the entire financial underpinnings of this massive global, capitalistic system. So in a last ditch effort to make sure that never happens they threw the mention of "God" on our currency. lol... Right above a massive pyramid with an eye in the center which in my opinion is not of "God" or "Holiness". Telltale signs of the wickedness of our system..
But I digress.. Back to this funk I'm in..
My life is at a crossroads. I can go either way. I am about to make some dramatic changes in my life. I will have to do the opposite of what I've always done which is be super careful. This life is given in abundance to those who take risks.. Who bet against fate and I'm considering going against everything I was taught to accomplish my dreams. To make my mark.
I guess to answer my own question.. "Where is God"? He is within ME. Not some outside entity. I am the controller of my fate.